Self Image Therapy.

Perhaps the self image is just another developed layer of the mind, perhaps it is not; but there is tremendous benefit in believing that they are both one and the same entity.



The human brain has the property to project several self images at the same time. Each one of these self images are self conscious, not only can each observe the outside in reality according to its own developed capacity, it even has a fixed view of what its own self is; in other words the self image has its own self image. And each self image comes with its own character traits that control the person’s self identity, character, personality, mentality, purpose, thinking and behavior.

Creating self image therapy by taking advantage of the relationship between the mind and the self image.

Each self image comes with its own mind! It has a personality, it has its own belief foundation and all the character traits of a separate individual. The mind has the same properties as that of the self image. The brain projects several layers of the mind where each mind is self conscious and is able to observe its own self many times over. It is like number 1 layer mind knowing that it is being observed by the second layer mind. The second layer mind knowing that it is observing number 1 and number 3. Number 3 knows that it is observing number 2 observing number 1 and that each layer is observing every other layer observing every other layer. Similarly number 5 and number 6…

Perhaps each self image is the observable face of a separate layer of the mind, because both are self conscious and aware of their own surroundings. Perhaps the self image is just another developed layer of the mind, perhaps it is not but there is a tremendous benefit in believing that they are both one and the same entity. 

Assuming that the mind and the self image are one and the same entity we can improve one by improving the other. Thus to improve the human mind all one needs to do is to improve ones self image. As the mind is supposedly still shrouded in mystery we can focus on improving the self image. By making our self image super mature we will make our mind super mature.

However the traditional way of improving the self image by replacing ones negative self image with a positive self image more or less through positive thinking is trying to switch symptoms from a more severe ones to a less severe ones. After all under confidence and over confidence are both symptoms of underlying causes. And replacing one kind of symptom with another does not cure the underling cause. Though over confidence has advantages over under confidence. It is still not too affective. It is a form of self hypnosis. It is like I am in big debt but I convince myself that there is nothing wrong. I may feel good and even become happy yet the underlining problem is still there. Again it is like the heating system in the house is defective and the heat cannot be shut out. So instead of fixing the heat system we put on the air conditioning to bring down the temperature in the house. It consumes a lot of energy and the fundamental problem does not get solved. With the heat and air conditioning on at the same time the temperature situation in the house is far from normal. Similarly by trying to replace negative feelings with positive feelings all one does is try to cover the negative feelings with positive feelings.

Positive feelings based on an assumed over confidence have almost as much a negative affect as negative feelings do. In fact the current economic crisis is due to a large measure because of our trophy self image as individuals and even as a country. Yes we are the best in the world in most respects but being the best does not mean we can get away with feelings of over confidence and a trophy self image driven life. Being the best still does not guarantee an economic and emotional sustainability. 

The healthy way is to know and understand the fundamental causes of the negative feelings and eliminate those causes. And replace the negative self image not with a over positive self image but with the real self. As the mind works in images we will always know our self through the self image. We must take every step to make our self image as close to our true self as possible.

It is amazing that leading clinics in America follow the American tradition of looking at the half glass of milk as half full. But is the glass ever just half full or is it ever just half empty. It is never just half full nor is it ever just half empty: IT IS ALWAYS HALF FULL AND HALF EMPTY AT THE SAME TIME. When we train our selves to look at the half full glass as the complete reality we are ignoring half the truth and thus we are believing in a partly false reality. The consequences of this for our self image and our mind are immense. This creates a part phony personality whose behavior input is less and expectations are more resulting in a constant life struggle to achieve what we think we deserve. No wonder true happiness eludes us as our life success expectations are always very high compared to what we actually achieve. 

Most American lives are trophy self image driven. As a result we try to seek happiness through acquiring trophies. But the trophy triumphs are fleeting and we do not feel true happiness because the trophy life is not our true self’s goal. Real happiness comes from making our real self happy. But how can we even know what the desires of the true self are. Well even when we know our self as our self image our true self is still there and is eager and restless to be free from the yoke of the self image. From time to time the true self emerges in the form of our conscience. Thus to seek true happiness one must make our conscience happy. While working to get our self image as close to our real self as possible we can in the meantime behave according to our conscience.

Most of our emotional problems spring from just one fundamental cause; a tiny portion of our brains are screwed up. As a result our brains project a screwed up mind. As a result our self image is screwed up. It is like we feel the heat and so use ice to cool down but the underlying problem keeps bothering us. And the problem in the brain is mostly due to emotional baggage that distorts our self image. Once the emotional baggage is removed the underlying cause of the self image problem is also removed. Thus self image therapy is brain therapy which involves the removal of emotional baggage from the brain.


Even before the brain is fully developed in the womb the fetus starts to figure out its own reality. As it wakes up to a life of constant love, warmth and security it feels extremely important. It is like an adult whose behavior always results in success and life is a constant experience of love, warmth and security. It is well known that the first impression for an adult is the last impression, just imagine the first impression of life for us humans when the extremely subjective brain of the fetus constantly has a positive feedback 24/7. No wonder by the time the fetus is ready to be born it has a self image of being omnipotent and omnipresent.

The mothers womb is a huge cushion against the harsh out side reality. Unless the mother smokes or takes drugs or there is some genetic problem the womb environment conditions the brain of the fetus for nine long months with constant positive feed back. This effect of the womb environment I have termed as ‘womb-conditioning’ (W-C). So each and everyone of us has a W-Ced self image. This self image is so strong that all our life our womb W-C self image shapes and controls our fundamental mind. In fact our fundamental self image is the face of our fundamental mind. It is so powerful that it derives our life’s agenda. The life we experienced in the womb we try to recreate all our waking life. We try to make our life full of the same quality love, warmth and security.

For love we try to get as much love as possible from as many as possible. We feel the need for fame and popularity/glory and we even try to be loved and remembered even after we pass away. We want to be immortal.

For security we started since ancient times with trying to secure physical security. In many parts of the world physical security is still elusive. Here in America security now means financial security. We try to accumulate as much wealth as possible.

For warmth we try to have as much luxury and comfort as possible.

Our whole life is busy trying to recreate womb life as our basic self image has a mind that says I am omnipotent. And even though this self image of omnipotence is deep down in most Americans it is still there. Consciously we know that we are far from omnipotent but deep down subconsciously we do not completely give up these feelings.

We are born with a womb conditioned brain which starts life as a new born child believing in womb-reality (W-R). As life is completely different the child passes life mostly sleeping and having dreams that nothing has changed. It very very slowly wakes up to a life of total dependence. This new life fortunately for the majority of children brings new pleasures. Pleasures of open spaces as the later part of life in the womb had become cramped and uncomfortable. The pleasures of hugs and kisses. The sensual pleasures of suckling breasts and tasting new foods. The comfort of cleanliness and above all being the center of attention just as it felt in the womb. For children of dotting parents their self image gradually becomes almost selfless as the child becomes lost in the new pleasures of life and its feelings of omnipotence gradually sink deeper and deeper into the unconscious. It no longer thinks of its own self and focuses on the outside world. Its life becomes other centered, which is the foundation of wisdom.

At birth the child also feels omnipresent; it feels it alone exists. Gradually as it becomes aware of others it begins to give up its feelings of being omnipresent and replaces them with feelings of trust and love where the parents are loving and responsible and feelings of mistrust and hate where the parents are irresponsible and neglectful. If the child is exposed to pain and emotional suffering while up to a year and a half old then the child develops severe psychosis. It begins to hate its own self because it still feels it alone exista to holds its own self responsible. As it cannot escape its painful life it mentally escapes into the past happy womb-reality. A huge disconnect with reality occurs and the child grows up clinging to its feelings of being omnipotent and even to some extent omnipresent. Thus the child’s self image and its mind is severely screwed.

If the child has had a good loving life till the age of almost one and a half years it slowly gives up its self image of being omnipresent. But at this stage of life when it begins to recognize that there are others and at this very time it is exposed to pain and emotional suffering it begins to blame others for its sufferings and so it feels like a victim and begins to hate others. A painful life between the age of 18 months to 26 months turns the self image into that of a criminal. It not only hates others, it feels victimized and wants to change life around by hook or by crook.

Fortunately for most Americans life as a child is healthy though vast sections are still brought up on an unhealthy upbringing. Most Americans could be well set on the road to a selfless self image that is they are so absorbed in the pleasures of their current life that they would forget their own self importance and turn out into selfless and humble beings. But alas this is not so. We have this tradition of our parents trying to fulfill their own unrealized dreams of being the best through their children. So we are told that each one of us is the best. We have complete faith in our parents and we believe them when they say that we are the best. Thus we develop a trophy self image. Instead of a life of selfless indulgence we stop living in the now. The present becomes unimportant and just a struggle to prepare our self for the future.

Similarly by trying to replace negative feelings with positive feelings all one does is try to cover the negative feelings with positive feelings. It is like suppose there is a physician who does not know his work and he pretends that he is an excellent doctor. The results of this doctors prescriptions will be below par. Unfortunately for most of us our life knowledge is below par. And to cover it up our brain throws up a polished self image that is part phony and as a result our life is part phony. And there is a difference between brain and mind where the brain is stuck in the past and the mind has the control of the five senses and thus knows the present situational reality.

In quite a vast section of the population the brain continues to be over confident but the mind knows the reality of being inadequate. Thus we go into alcohol and drug dependency to drown our sorrows of the mind. Similarly in others the brain is stuck with generating under confidence and the mind knows the current reality but feels helplessness of feeling inadequate. The brain continues to generate nervousness/shyness/frustration while the mind feels trapped and is unable to free it self of this phony under confidence.

Both under confidence and over confidence are symptoms of a brain that is stuck at a lower level of development. Under confidence is the more severe health problem as it is mostly generated by a -2/-1 brain as well as it has a negative affect on the over all health of the person because nervousness/shyness/frustration generate negative electro chemical reactions in the brain that tire and wear off the brain, the mind and the body faster. While over confidence creates a false sense of happiness and pride which nevertheless produces relaxing and happy affects on the brain, mind and body. Thus over confidence is better for our health and well being than under confidence but it still causes a disconnect with reality and has its own negative impact on society; as phony over confidence cannot make us happy we try to find relaxation through chemicals. Our trophy self image compels us to keep acquiring more and more trophies to prove our self to be the best and as only one can be the best the majority struggle to catch up. Not only does life become a life long struggle to acquire more and more trophies and many do acquire more than they can use, yet they are still not happy as the expectations of the trophy self image are far higher.

As some realize later in life that they have to improve their emotional knowledge base; so they take the steps to relearn. Unfortunately emotional intelligence is still very fuzzy so no one is told that emotional intelligence once well set at a lower level needs to be relearned by first unlearning the well entrenched belief patterns of the lower stage; which in the case of us Americans is our trophy self image. Emotional intelligence education in the beginning of life is about being provided with a nurturing upbringing up to the age of 6 years. In later years emotional intelligence education is about unlearning ones emotional patterns.

A big problem with current therapies is that the so called normal society is actually sub normal as even so called normal people need tranquilizers to sleep and need alcohol to smoothen out their tense nerves. So therapy is designed to bring the sick up to the sub standard levels of society. But the problem is that for the so called normal society taking sleeping pills is normal but for someone under therapy being dependent on drugs means they still have a long way to go. In fact all of society has a long way to go as sleep and relaxation should be natural and not be dependent on chemicals. Once some one is in therapy he must be made to go all the way and his brain must be cleaned of all emotional baggage. Once out of therapy the person should become normal, actually super normal by current society standards.

The same emotional issues that cause sleep problems also cause relationship problems and even the causes for divorce are related. They all can be traced to our trophy self image. So when an emotionally ill person is cured of his disease he is changed into his trophy self which comes with its own emotional baggage. It is like taking one out of the fire and putting him into a low heat frying pan. We need to take him out of the fire and the frying pan. This is why seminars by sages like Deepak Chopra and The Forum are needed and must be made as popular as possible.

The misconceptions about confidence.

Instead of replacing an under confident self image with an over confident self image we must uncondition the brain to project the real self.

In our American culture we value supreme confidence in our selves. We lay the ground work for a trophy self image from infancy. We believe that if we think we can, then we will succeed. We are conditioned to see half a glass of water as half full even though half a glass of water is half full and half empty at the same time. So when we see someone who is depressed and under confident we try to cheer them up and try to help them become over confident. Even professional therapies are designed  to replace under confidence with over confidence. While under confidence is indeed a bigger problem as it creates tension, frustration, unhappiness, tiredness etc. and over confidence creates a false sense of security it also creates real happiness, relaxation and pride etc. Still over confidence results in over expectations and ultimately results in unsatisfying results.

Under confidence is a symptom of an underlying emotional disease and over confidence is also a symptom of an underlining emotional problem. And our culture is such that we mistake one symptom as the disease and work hard to replace this symptom with another symptom that we think is the cure. Even though we try to replace one symptom that causes more harm with one that causes less harm we miss the point that replacing one symptom with another does not cure the underlying problem.

The underlying problem is that our real self is unactualized. The brain is either conditioned by an unhappy and unhealthy upbringing resulting in an under confident self image or it is conditioned by an unrealistic over confident belief instilled by parents in the child that he is the best; resulting in the child ending up with a trophy self image. So instead of replacing one self image with another self image, where both are partly phony; we must uncondition the brain to project the real self.  The real self just is and looses its self in the now without being self conscious, where it is neither under confident or over confident. In fact the real self is selfless and humble. As a result the real self pays full attention to the situational reality at hand and fully focuses on learning what it wants to and needs to learn. The real self’s confidence stems from mastering the ropes of life and every thing else in it and not from a phony negative or over positive phony confidence.

Actually confidence is indeed essential for a healthy life whether to make a living or to live an emotionally healthy life. But phony confidence that is positive or negative creates a partly phony life and is the chief cause of all the mess in the world. From crime to depression, from the current economic crisis to the international security situation and everything in between; all can be traced to the phony confidence in our individual and group lives. What we need is pure authentic confidence that comes from real learning.

The very name, ‘Self Image Therapy’ conjures up an image of what is the purpose of self image therapy. It implies that we have to improve and perfect our self image. And here in lies the fundamental flaw, because we are seeking to replace an unhealthy self image with an entity that is still a self image even if it is a healthier self image. The real self is imageless and selfless at the core of our being, our soul. So the goal of self image therapy must be to actualize one’s pure self. In fact the clear objective of self image therapy must be to actualize the pure self.
Also: ‘The current marriage counseling is like dropping fresh water into a glass that has dirty water.The new key to marriage counseling is to learn to remove the self image and let the true self emerge.”
America must wake up to the trophy self image, the chief divorce factor. Taking the steps to get rid of the trophy self image will transform all life to eternal bliss and the spouse relationships will become super mature. Even the relationship with the children will become magical; in fact the relationship with all life will prosper.